A mighty storm is churning and
I stare into the clouds' domain
long grass bows and bends against
the frenzied winds and scattered rain
The squall, enraged, prepares to thrash
lone trees and emerald meadowland;
I realize I'll make it when
You firmly grip my frightened hand














Comments
I'm not one to critique poetry, so I'll praise it instead ^^
I really like the way this one is written.
--
oh god how did this get here I am not good with computer
--
"If we could live without passion, maybe we'd know some kind of peace, but we would be hollow: empty rooms, shuttered and dank - without passion, we'd be truly dead"~ angel from season 2 of buffy
*DailyLitDeviations
What inspired this one?
--
Be the Change you Wish to See in the World- Ghandi
Since I'm still learning, this is more of a question than "advanced critique": at the part "I realize I'll make it when", "make it" sounds almost too plain next to all your other beautiful descriptions. But in this case, is it better to have simplicity because of the fact that everything else was more descriptive?
I was thinking "endure it" might sound somewhat better....-shrug- but that's just my opinion.
Can't think of a better way to convey what I'm thinking, though. I'll keep at it!
--
Curse you! Shooting before we even have a chance to transform... How inconsiderate!
[link]
--
Curse you! Shooting before we even have a chance to transform... How inconsiderate!
[link]
--
Curse you! Shooting before we even have a chance to transform... How inconsiderate!
[link]
--
Curse you! Shooting before we even have a chance to transform... How inconsiderate!
[link]
--
Be the Change you Wish to See in the World- Ghandi
Previous Page12Next Page