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A mighty storm is churning and
I stare into the clouds' domain
long grass bows and bends against
the frenzied winds and scattered rain

The squall, enraged, prepares to thrash
lone trees and emerald meadowland;
I realize I'll make it when
You firmly grip my frightened hand
©2009 ~GoodSirDavid
:icongoodsirdavid:

Author's Comments

Never let go...

Written at time of submission (approximately 5am).

Comments


love 0 0 joy 2 2 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconsimply-indescribable:
Very nice!
I'm not one to critique poetry, so I'll praise it instead ^^
I really like the way this one is written.

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oh god how did this get here I am not good with computer
:iconpoisonedapple312:
sometimes the best of our writing is done in the wee hours of the morning. this is an excellent example of that.

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"If we could live without passion, maybe we'd know some kind of peace, but we would be hollow: empty rooms, shuttered and dank - without passion, we'd be truly dead"~ angel from season 2 of buffy

*DailyLitDeviations
:iconkittykat786:
:) wow..very nice for 5am

What inspired this one?

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Be the Change you Wish to See in the World- Ghandi
:iconevil-monkey3:
Beautiful, as usual! =D

Since I'm still learning, this is more of a question than "advanced critique": at the part "I realize I'll make it when", "make it" sounds almost too plain next to all your other beautiful descriptions. But in this case, is it better to have simplicity because of the fact that everything else was more descriptive?

I was thinking "endure it" might sound somewhat better....-shrug- but that's just my opinion. =D Don't take it too seriously. :XD:
:icongoodsirdavid:
No, no - I can tell that you're trying to help because you've tapped into exactly what I was thinking. I really need to put that better, honestly. ._.

Can't think of a better way to convey what I'm thinking, though. I'll keep at it!

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Curse you! Shooting before we even have a chance to transform... How inconsiderate!


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:icongoodsirdavid:
Awwww, thanks. ;) It's true. :P

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Curse you! Shooting before we even have a chance to transform... How inconsiderate!


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:icongoodsirdavid:
Why, thank you! :D

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Curse you! Shooting before we even have a chance to transform... How inconsiderate!


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:icongoodsirdavid:
Just asking God to take my hand through the day. :)

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Curse you! Shooting before we even have a chance to transform... How inconsiderate!


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:iconkittykat786:
Always a good thing to ask :)

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Be the Change you Wish to See in the World- Ghandi

Details

March 1
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